Reluctance to go to daycare after Golden Week tends to surface at a time when both child and parent are already carrying a lot. Before anything else, don’t blame yourself — break the morning down into small, separate steps.
The first morning after Golden Week, your child breaks down in tears at the front door.
You couldn’t even get their socks on. The clock keeps moving, even though nothing else seems to.
Holding back the urge to say “hurry up,” inside, you feel like crying too.
After Golden Week — Japan’s run of national holidays in late April and early May — daily rhythms and the way families spend their time shift all at once. Crying before daycare, refusing to get dressed, freezing up at the front door: plenty of households struggle with the morning. And what’s easily forgotten is that, just as much as the child, the parent is carrying real exhaustion too.
This article pulls together why reluctance to go to daycare happens after Golden Week, concrete examples for handling the morning, and a self-check for spotting your own exhaustion. It’s written not to help you “do everything perfectly,” but to help you get through this week a little more easily.
Table of Contents
Feeling “I’m at my limit” after Golden Week isn’t a sign you’re weak
After Golden Week, it isn’t only children who feel the strain of changes in daily routines and emotions — parents do too.
“If only I had it more together.” “Other parents seem to manage just fine.” If that’s how you’re feeling, here’s the first thing we want to say.
Feeling at your limit after Golden Week is not happening because you’re weak. The period after Golden Week is one where both daily rhythms and feelings shift. Parents and children alike are more prone to fatigue than they expect.
The “delayed exhaustion” of trying too hard during Golden Week can catch up with you
The more you think “this is a precious break,” the more a parent’s reserves get worn down during Golden Week. Family outings, the travel of going back to relatives’ homes, the care taken at in-laws’ places, the tension of not being able to switch off work, the days you got through solo——.
During a long break, it’s common to keep using up your body and feelings without even realizing you’re “working hard,” and that surfaces all at once after Golden Week. On the morning a child cries, it’s not unusual for the parent to already be running on empty. When you feel “why today, of all days,” the truth may be that the exhaustion started back during Golden Week.
[Editor’s note] On the morning my child cried, I wanted to cry too
From the editor of TamagoDaruma
I still clearly remember a morning when my child was rolling on the floor in tears. Honestly, I wanted to cry too. But I couldn’t. The sense of “I have to hold it together” came first, and I headed to daycare with my feelings pushed down.
Looking back now, what I think is: on that morning, I wanted someone to tell me, “Of course you’re tired.” Before any solution, I needed those words.
I wrote this article because I wanted to deliver exactly those words, first, to anyone having mornings like that.
[Checklist] A self-check for post–Golden Week parent burnout
Before moving on to solutions, first check in on your own state. How many of the following apply to you?
- You sigh in the morning even before speaking to your child
- Your sleep quality has dropped since Golden Week ended
- After getting angry at your child, you feel intense self-reproach
- You compare yourself to a “proper parent”
- You want someone to listen, but you can’t think of anyone to turn to
- You can’t set priorities among work, housework, and parenting
- You’re a little afraid of morning coming
If several of these applied to you, consider prioritizing your own care before you move on to the “how to respond to your child” section below. “Not putting yourself last” is not the same thing as putting your child last.
Why does reluctance to go to daycare happen after Golden Week?
After a long break, daily rhythms, family time, and the switch back to daycare all overlap, and children may show anxiety or resistance.
The first thing to say, as a basic premise, is that reluctance to go to daycare after Golden Week is neither the child “being selfish” nor a “failure in how you’ve raised them.”
Switching a child’s feelings back takes more time and energy than we adults tend to imagine. The feeling of “we were together until yesterday, and from today we’re apart again” stays in the body and the heart, even when a child can’t put it into words.
For a child, the time after Golden Week is close to a “restart”
For a child, Golden Week isn’t just “time off.” It’s a few days spent at a relaxed pace, waking up when they like, in the security of having a parent nearby.
That environment changes completely after Golden Week. Early mornings, getting dressed, the daycare drop-off, group activities — the usual “daycare rhythm” reappears as a strain the child hasn’t felt in a while. It’s close to the sense of redoing, in a short span, the “getting used to daycare” process they had been building up right after starting or moving up a year in April.
Crying, not getting dressed, or stopping at the door may be expressions of anxiety they can’t put into words
A child being able to say “I don’t want to go” is actually quite something. Children too young to verbalize may express anxiety or the difficulty of switching gears through crying, freezing up, or physical symptoms.
You might feel “why all of a sudden,” but it may not have begun without warning — it may be the child’s own way of communicating. That said, this is only one possibility, and not all reluctance to go to daycare comes from the same cause. If something concerns you, try consulting your child’s daycare teacher or a professional service.
If it repeats every year, it’s fine to consult the daycare or a professional service
If strong reluctance to go to daycare repeats each time Golden Week ends, there’s no need to carry it alone, thinking “it’s like this every year, so it can’t be helped.” If there’s a yearly pattern, sharing it with your child’s daycare teacher or class teacher can sometimes lead the daycare to adjust how they receive your child.
Also, if the impact on daily life continues, or if both parent and child are heavily worn down, consulting your local government’s childcare consultation desk or a professional service is one option. There’s no need to think “is it okay to consult about something this small.” Gathering information early creates more breathing room later.
On a reluctant morning, first separate “empathy” from “the next single action”
In the morning, rather than persuading at length, it’s more realistic to briefly acknowledge the feeling and then break things into the next single action, like getting dressed or putting on shoes.
On a morning after Golden Week, thinking about “how can I persuade my child” usually doesn’t go well. Words of persuasion can sometimes harden a child’s feelings further.
What’s more effective is, first, to “acknowledge that feeling once,” and then to “not try to accomplish everything right now.”
Examples of what to say to a child crying on the floor
Rather than long explanations, brief empathy and a single next action can help. The following are reference examples. Try whichever ones fit, depending on the situation.
- “You don’t want to go, do you? Let’s just put on your socks first.”——acknowledge the feeling, then narrow to one thing
- “It’s okay to cry. Let’s go together as far as seeing your teacher.”——don’t deny the crying
- “Today, let’s make the front door our goal.”——shrink the goal to the smallest size
- “Mom/Dad is a little tired too, but let’s do this one step at a time, together.”——be honest while facing it together
It’s not about which is the “right answer” — choose based on your child’s state that day and how much you have left in the tank.
What to avoid saying
The kinds of phrasing below can unintentionally heighten a child’s anxiety or prolong the reluctance to go to daycare. That said, even if you do say them, don’t blame yourself too much. They can slip out when you’re tired.
- “Don’t cry” → being told not to cry can lead a child to start suppressing their feelings next time
- “Hurry up” → your urgency gets communicated, and can deepen the child’s freezing-up
- “Fine, I give up” / “Go by yourself” → these are words that easily trigger a fear of being abandoned
- “You managed yesterday” → comparison can lead a child to self-denial
What matters is less the content of the words and more whether the child can feel “this person is on my side.”
Keeping the morning approach “the same each day” can sometimes lead to reassurance
A situation where the approach changes every morning tends to become an unpredictable environment for a child, and can be a factor that raises anxiety. Conversely, a set routine — “goodbyes are always short, at the front door,” “let go right after handing them to the teacher” — makes it easier for the child to understand “what happens next.”
There’s no need to build a perfect routine. Start with a small sense of consistency you can manage in your current situation, such as “ending with the same line every morning” or “walking off without turning back once you’ve dropped them off.”
Keep them home? Send them in? When you’re unsure, look at your child’s signs separately
Don’t decide on attendance with a single rule — check separately for physical condition, how they’re crying, how they are at daycare, and how long it has continued.
“Should I keep them home today, or send them in?” — this judgment is genuinely hard for a parent. Honestly, there’s no absolute right answer. But thinking through a few separate perspectives makes the decision easier.
[Comparison table] Reluctance patterns and a rough guide to the morning approach
| How the child seems | Possible background | Direction for the morning approach | Sharing with the daycare | Rough guide for considering consultation |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Crying and not moving | Difficulty switching gears, anxiety | Empathize briefly, narrow to one action | Share how the morning went | When it drags on / both parent and child are heavily worn down |
| Refusing to get dressed | Lack of a clear sense of what’s coming, sleepiness, fatigue | Offer two clothing choices, reduce the steps | Share where they get stuck | When strong confusion continues every morning |
| Complaining of stomachache or headache | Feeling unwell, or anxiety | Check temperature, appetite, sleep | Share the symptoms and how they were before and after | If symptoms are strong or continue, to a medical institution, etc. |
| Settles once at daycare | Anxiety at separation may be involved | Keep the parting short | Check how they are at daycare | When they’re unsettled within the daycare too |
| Parent is near their limit too | Fatigue, lack of sleep, isolation | Reduce the morning steps | Share the home situation to the extent needed | To the daycare, local government, or a consultation desk |
※This table organizes general tendencies and does not apply to every child. For anything that worries you, please consult a childcare worker, your regular doctor, or a professional service.
On days with physical symptoms, don’t force the attendance decision into a general rule
When there’s clear physical illness — fever, vomiting, strong stomach pain — prioritize responding to the physical condition before the question of “is this reluctance to go to daycare.”
Each daycare and preschool (yochien) has its own attendance criteria. When there are symptoms you’re unsure about, checking with your regular doctor or the daycare is the safe choice. For these criteria, also refer to your local government’s and your facility’s policies.
Even when they’re doing fine at daycare, don’t dismiss the parent’s burden
Hearing “they settle down once they arrive” brings many parents a little relief, I think. But how a child is at daycare and the exhaustion of every morning’s send-off are two separate matters.
You can end up telling yourself “they’re fine at daycare, so there’s no problem,” and making the morning exhaustion invisible. Even if your child can settle at daycare, how much energy each morning’s send-off takes from the parent — that is well worth treating as something deserving care.
Before responding to your child, make your own exhaustion visible
When a child’s reluctance to go to daycare continues, it puts a strain on the parent’s mind and body too. First, make the exhaustion visible.
On a morning when a parent has little left, it’s hard to respond as gently as usual. That’s exactly why, just as much as responding to your child, it matters to make your own exhaustion visible. Not putting your own care last is one realistic way to keep up the quality of your parenting.
Save the post–Golden Week parent burnout self-check and use it
You can take a screenshot of the checklist at the top of this article on your smartphone and keep it. Look back at it when you think “I’m getting tired again.” We’ll let you know within this article once a PDF version is ready.
When several apply, shift to a design that reduces the morning’s burden
If several items applied on the checklist, consider shifting not toward “trying harder” but toward “reducing the morning steps.”
For example, moving morning prep forward to the night before, keeping the send-off at drop-off short (not dragging it out), letting your workplace know there’s a chance you’ll be a little late — these small design changes create a bit of breathing room within accumulated exhaustion. There are times when it’s fine to set “the smallest thing I can do right now” as your standard.
Caring for the parent is not putting the child last
Plenty of parents think, “if I had any room to think about myself, I’d put it toward my child.” That stance is an expression of love, but it often isn’t sustainable.
A parent getting a little more steady is not the same as putting the child last. Moving the daily send-off closer to “I can face it while catching my breath a little” rather than “somehow getting through it” — that connects directly to the child’s sense of security too.
With the daycare, sharing specifics gets you more help than “I’m struggling”
When you consult the daycare, it’s easier to share if you briefly convey the morning situation, how long it has continued, what you’ve tried at home, and what you’d like to know about how they are at daycare.
Many people hesitate to talk with their child’s daycare teacher or class teacher, wondering “is it okay to say something like this” or “won’t it be a bother.” But daycare teachers do encounter cases where a child’s state changes after a long weekend or extended break. Sharing the situation is also useful for the teacher in adjusting how they engage with the child.
At daycare centers, not only the care of children but also support for guardians is regarded as an important role. At preschools (yochien) and certified combined centers (nintei kodomoen, which merge daycare and preschool functions), sharing how a child is at home is likewise an important clue for considering how to engage with them.
（Reference：Guidelines for Childcare at Daycare Centers｜Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare）
Sample messages for the communication notebook or daycare app
If you find it hard to put things in writing, try using openings like the following as a reference. (Japanese daycares typically use a renrakuchō, a daily home–daycare communication notebook, or an app for this.)
- “Since Golden Week ended, my child has been crying before drop-off more often. Could you let me know how they are after arriving at daycare?”
- “At home, they often get stuck at the getting-dressed stage. I’d like to talk it over once, including how the switch goes at daycare.”
- “As the parent, I’m also struggling a little with the mornings. If there’s a less stressful way to do the handover, I’d like to discuss it.”
Things that are hard to share with just “I’m struggling” become easier for the teacher to respond to when you make the situation and what you want to know specific, like this.
Three things to check with the teacher
When you don’t know how your child is after drop-off, the worry of “was it right to leave them” lingers. Checking the following three points gives you something to base your morning decisions on.
- How long it takes them to settle after arriving at daycare
- Whether there are changes in how they eat, nap, and play
- Whether there’s anything that can be adjusted in the morning reception
This isn’t about “wanting to monitor your child” — it’s about “wanting to handle the next morning with at least a little more to go on.” Don’t hesitate to ask the teacher.
How much of a parent’s worries can you share with a childcare worker?
For those wondering, “is it okay to voice this kind of weakness to a childcare professional?”
A situation where a parent is struggling is important information for thinking about how to engage with the child, too. The single line “the morning send-off is hard for me as well” is neither “overprotective” nor “weakness.” Sharing it can sometimes change how the receiving side adapts.
So you don’t carry it alone, know where you can turn
The exhaustion of parenting and worries about reluctance to go to daycare can be connected not only to the daycare but also to local government and public consultation desks.
While you’re thinking “is it really okay to go and consult about something like this,” you can end up pushing past your limit. There’s no need to save consultation resources for “when things get truly bad.” There are desks you can use at the “I’d just like someone to listen for a bit” stage.
First, consult the daycare
The first place to consult — with a relatively low hurdle, where you can share how your child is doing — is the class teacher or the head childcare worker. Daycares do receive consultations about how children are after long weekends and extended breaks. Without bracing yourself too much with “is it okay to say something like this,” try sharing the situation first.
Check your local government’s childcare consultation and Children and Families Center
Since April 2024, municipalities have been moving forward with setting up “Children and Families Centers” (Kodomo Katei Center). A Children and Families Center runs maternal-and-child health and child-welfare functions together as one, serving as a desk that connects families to consultation and support from pregnancy through the child-raising years.
You can consult them about reluctance to go to daycare and parenting exhaustion too, but the setup status, the desk’s name, and reception hours vary by municipality. Language support also varies by municipality, so international families may want to check in advance whether interpretation or multilingual support is available. First, check your local government’s official website.
（Reference：Children and Families Center｜Children and Families Agency）
Where to turn when a parent’s own mind is near its limit
When parenting exhaustion accumulates, symptoms such as being unable to sleep, having no appetite, or having no energy can appear. It’s easy to overlook as “just a bit tired,” but if that “bit” has continued for a long time, professional support can be a help.
The Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare’s “Mamorou yo Kokoro” (Let’s Protect Our Hearts) site lists a unified mental-health consultation dial, “0570-064-556.” It connects you to a public consultation body in the prefecture or designated city you’re calling from. Because it’s a Navi-dial, call charges apply, and the days and hours of consultation vary by region. Speaking with your regular doctor about your situation is another option.
（Reference：Telephone Consultation Desks｜Mamorou yo Kokoro｜Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare）
When you’re worried about your own or your child’s safety
When exhaustion is nearing its limit and you feel “I don’t know what I might do” or “I have frightening feelings toward my child,” please don’t carry it alone.
When you have worries that could lead to abuse, you can consult the Child Guidance Center abuse hotline, “189 (ichi-haya-ku).” 189 is a nationwide shared phone number that connects you to your nearest Child Guidance Center (Jidō Sōdanjo), and anonymous reports and consultations are possible. The call is free, but it won’t connect from some IP phones.
（Reference：About the Child Guidance Center Abuse Hotline “189”｜Children and Families Agency）
For ordinary parenting consultations, you can also use the Child Guidance Center consultation line, “0120-189-783.” You can start by reaching out here about a range of worries related to children’s welfare.
（Reference：About the Child Guidance Center Abuse Hotline “189”｜Children and Families Agency）
FAQ｜Reluctance to go to daycare after Golden Week, and parental exhaustion
Here we answer common questions about reluctance to go to daycare after Golden Week, morning words to use, consulting the daycare, and signs that a parent is reaching their limit.
- Q1. How long does reluctance to go to daycare after Golden Week last?
- It varies from child to child. Some settle within a few days, while others stay unsettled for a while. Trying to fix a deadline of “when it will end” tends to become a new source of pressure. If it drags on or the strain on parent and child is heavy, we recommend sharing it with the daycare or a consultation desk early.
- Q2. Is it okay to leave a crying child at daycare?
- There are cases where, with no physical illness, the child settles at daycare. Try deciding while checking how they are at daycare. If illness is suspected, prioritizing the daycare’s criteria or your regular doctor’s judgment is the safe choice.
- Q3. What kind of words should I use in the morning?
- Rather than persuading at length, briefly acknowledging with “you don’t want to go, do you,” then narrowing to the next single action such as “let’s just put on your socks,” can help things move along. Rather than “get through the whole day,” words that set “just one action from here” as the goal are more realistic.
- Q4. What should I do if I shouted at my child?
- First, acknowledge that you’re already tired. You can’t undo having shouted, but once you’ve calmed down, you can briefly say “sorry about earlier,” and think about adjustments that make the same situation less likely to repeat, such as reducing the next morning’s steps a little.
- Q5. How much can I consult the daycare about?
- It’s easier to consult when you specifically convey the morning situation, how long it has continued, what you’ve tried at home, and what you’d like to know about how they are at daycare. There’s no need to think “it’ll be a bother.” Knowing a guardian’s situation helps the teacher adjust how they engage with the child.
- Q6. Is it a problem if it repeats every year after Golden Week?
- It isn’t necessarily a problem. However, if strong anxiety, physical symptoms, or an impact on daily life continues, you can share the repeating pattern with the daycare and, if needed, consult a professional service. What matters is not carrying it alone with “it’s like this every year.”
- Q7. Where can a parent turn when they’re at their limit?
- You can start by consulting the daycare or your local government’s childcare consultation desk. If the strain on your mind and body is strong, consulting your regular doctor or the unified mental-health consultation dial (0570-064-556) is one option. If you have worries that could lead to abuse, or you’re concerned about your own or your child’s safety, please contact “189 (ichi-haya-ku).”
To get through this week, take home only what you can use
You don’t need to put everything in this article into practice. Use whatever can lighten this morning’s burden a little.
The more you think “I have to do all of it,” the heavier it gets instead. One example phrase to say, one run through the self-check — that alone is enough.
From the editor of TamagoDaruma
Every year, the morning after Golden Week, many parents and children climb the same hill. Just knowing it isn’t a personal failure, but the overlap of a particular time of year, can let you breathe a little.
If this article has been even a little useful to someone who got through this morning while thinking “next week might be the same again,” that would make us glad.
This article was prepared based on information available at the time of publication. Information on systems and consultation desks may change. Please check each official website for the latest information.
